Ohio Prosecutor Indicts Punxsutawney Phil for ‘Misrepresentation of Early Spring’

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Michael Gmoser, a prosecutor for Butler County, Ohio, has had enough of Punxsutawney Phil's lies, and he's doing something about it, or pretending to. As you can see in the "indictment" above (it's not a real indictment, just to be clear), Gmoser is charging Phil with "misrepresentation of early spring," which is apparently punishable by death. Asked how the town of Punxsutawney will react to the charge, Gmoser told Daily Intelligencer, "Oh, I think they're going to fight extradition hard."

That groundhog will rue the day he ever allowed people to pull him out of a box and attach elaborate, magical interpretations to his natural behaviors.