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They said it couldn't be done. Or maybe they didn't say anything about it at all. Either way, we did it. We drew a giant penis on the surface of Mars. Mission Something amazing accomplished.
The finals are Sunday afternoon.
This Nonexistent Social Network With No Revenues and No Assets Is Worth $4 BillionWhat bubble?
Everyone Keeps Crashing at the Tour de France Because So Many People Are Taking SelfiesA new occupational hazard.
This Is What 2 Ounces of Weed Looks LikeThe not insignificant amount you can now carry in Brooklyn without fear of prosecution.
Sex Worker Arrested for Allegedly Killing Google Exec With HeroinShe shot him up and watched him die.
Everything You Need to Know About the Very Awkward Allegations That the U.S. Has Been Spying on GermanyA dummy weather app, a speech impediment, the Fourth of July, and much more!
Add another blemish to former city councilman Dan Halloran's record.
Chelsea Clinton Takes After Her Parents, Gets Paid Crazy Amounts of Money for SpeechesBut she doesn't keep it.
Police Want to Force a 17-Year-Old Accused of Sexting His Girlfriend to Take More Explicit Photos As EvidenceUsing a shot to make him erect.
Times Square Elmos May Soon Need License to Creep People Out and Harass TouristsA city councilman has drafted a bill.
It's a whole new world in Washington State.
Frank Rich on the National Circus: Could Hobby Lobby Reverse Progress on Gay Civil Rights?The “religious freedom” argument of those who want to restrict access to contraception is a fig leaf.
Are Teenagers Growing Up Republican?I blame a society that tells its youth that the answers can be found in the MTV video games.
Ray Nagin Gets an Easy 10 Years in Prison for New Orleans CorruptionHalf of what he faced for bribery, tax evasion, and wire fraud.
Israel Increases Air Strikes on Gaza, Prepares for Ground OffensiveIt's also preparing for the first ground offensive since 2009.
Blond Surfer-Looking Dude Sucker Punches Pedestrian, Runs Away As Fast As He CanNot cool, dude.
Denver Bro Asks Obama to Smoke Weed, Gets a Laugh, Posts to InstagramAmerica in 2014 (in Colorado).
The Saddest Newspaper Front Pages in Brazil After Their World Cup EmbarrassmentO major fiasco da história.
FBI and NSA Spied on Prominent Muslim-Americans, Snowden Leak RevealsIncluding civil rights activists, academics, and a Republican political candidate.
The New Yorker Is Opening Its Archives, Then Putting Up a New PaywallIt's all-you-can-read for the next three months.
The bear is loose, wants to get back in his cage.
Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Seemed Totally Normal After the Boston BombingAnd "slept a little bit more," according to his roommate.
Brooklyn District Attorney Finally Gets to Stop Prosecuting Small-Time Pot BustsKenneth Thompson has been working on this for a while.
Twitter Sure Does Have a Lot of Nazi and Holocaust Jokes for the Germany-Brazil Game!A brutal first half leads to some brutal one-liners.
Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara Lost His First Insider-Trading CaseBig fish Raj Rajaratnam's brother gets off.
GIF Recap: Germany Stuns Brazil 7–1 to Advance to the World Cup FinalThe second semifinal is tomorrow.
Hospital Pharmacist Had a Convenient Side HustleStealing and selling tons of painkillers.
Mother Arrested for Leaving Baby in Subway StationFrankea Dabbs left her home in North Carolina last week.
Uber Competitor Lyft Launches in Brooklyn and QueensPink mustaches, welcome to New York.
12 Other Incredibly Stupid Kickstarter Projects That Could Be the Next Potato SaladLet someone burn your money for you.
No big deal, just one of the deadliest diseases in the history of man.
This Chromecast App Will Liberate You From the Shackles of Legal, Paid-For Streaming VideoSo that's cool.
Republicans to Hold 2016 Convention in Worst State in AmericaLife in Ohio, a continuing series that the Republican National Committee obviously has not read.
The Enormous Typhoon Sweeping Across Japan Looks Very Scary From SpaceIt's the strongest typhoon of the season so far.
5 Possible But Totally Speculative Reasons Kim Jong-un Was Seen Limping in PublicIt's North Korea, so we have to guess.
Guys Thought It Would Be a Good Idea to Fly a Drone Near an NYPD ChopperThey were arrested, and the drone was taken away.
Madonna’s Jury Duty Is Way Better Than Your Jury DutyBelieve it or not, the pop star got special treatment.
Teachers Unions Turn Against DemocratsThe end of an uneasy truce.
NYPD Going to Try This Twitter Thing AgainRemember #myNYPD?
Washington Starts Selling Legal Weed: What You Need to KnowIt's a big day for the aptly named Evergreen State.
And duped the Daily Caller.
Hillary Clinton Says Defending Alleged Rapist Was Her ‘Professional Duty’She’s either changed her story, or forgotten a few details about the 1975 case.
Medical Marijuana Is Officially Legal in New YorkBut no one can buy it yet.
NYC Has More Tourists Than Ever, But They Aren’t Spending Enough MoneyAt least according to the city's tourism chief.
Yankees Fan Caught Sleeping in the Stands During Red Sox Game Sues for $10 Million Because Everyone Made Fun of HimHe's claiming defamation and wants damages from the team, Major League Baseball, ESPN, and its announcers.
Somebody Purposely Left a Baby in a Subway StationA woman was seen pushing a stroller on the platform at Columbus Circle.
New York iPad Subscriptions Are Now Half Off!For all your beach-reading needs.
Terrorist Taking Over Iraq Shows Off Sick WatchA statement piece for his first public appearance.
Victim’s College Essay Leads to Brooklyn Rape ConvictionNine years after the crime took place.
Race to Airport Confirms What Everybody Already KnowsFor starters, taking a train and a bus isn't the fastest way to get there.