The Six Most Staggeringly Absurd Quotes About Upper East Siders Tattooing Their Dogs

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Temporary, but real.

DNAinfo has yet another "not The Onion" dispatch from the most insane corners of New York City today, and this one sets a new standard. Humans on the Upper East Side have admitted to reporter Victoria Bekiempis that they pay not insignificant amounts of money to "a celebrity dog groomer" in order to stencil temporary tattoos onto non-consenting dogs. Are we not the animals? Here are these people, in their owns words, from totally insane to earth-shatteringly bananas:

6. "In the summer, they cut the dogs' hair short, so you've got to supplement the glamour."

5. "It's grown immensely — even people in remote Iowa do it."

4. "I go to a lot of events, and people dress up their dogs in expensive outfits, and it was something I could do to make my dog stand out that wasn't that expensive." [Ed. note: It costs about $100.]

3. "Sometimes, my dog and I dress in the same color if we're going to a red carpet event. During the summer, it's just too hot to have him wearing outfits like that ... The tattoo is a good option."

2. "Dogs are like humans, and when they accessorize they get attention. A pink dog does not know it's pink, but when people are smiling and taking pictures, it gets attention ... So, a dog likes to get tattoos."

1. "It's all about the tramp stamp."