Guccifer Keeps Hacking Famous Old People’s E-mail

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Guccifer's finest moment so far.
Guccifer's finest moment so far.

The string of e-mail hacks by the Illuminati-hating, serial password-cracking Guccifer has so far publicized alleged private correspondence (and paintings!) from top-tier figures in media and politics, including George W. Bush, Colin Powell, and Sex and the City author Candance Bushnell. The latest to join the A-list victims is Watergate journalist Carl Bernstein, whose financial records and messages to director Steven Soderbergh (!?) were leaked from his old Verizon account — meaning still no Gmail cracks — today. "He is around these days. he is jew. But he fights the illuminati!" Guccifer told the Smoking Gun, confusingly. So far, the ongoing hacks have revealed little of actual consequence, but plenty of trivial entertainment at a steady pace, indicating that the person responsible may very well be risking years of prison time, for, as the tech kids say, the lulz. The Bush shower self-portrait, from where we're sitting, was way worth it.