Life in Ohio, a Continuing Series

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In regular states, we just hire one of these guys. Photo: null/© Andrew Aitchison

Ohio man rips off own penis with crude tool unsuited to the task:

Officers found the man with his hands and gym shorts covered in blood. He told officers that he had just cut his penis off. According to the police report, he said he tried to use an old rusty saw, but he used a broke bottle when the saw didn't work.

The man told police that "Busch (beer) made me do it."

It sounds awful, but, by Ohio standards, this is actually a technological advance of sorts. A few days ago, another Ohio man did it with his bare hands:

A 41-year-old Columbus, Ohio, man is recovering after, police said, he ripped off part of his penis during a drug-fueled high in Ypsilanti Township....

“He really wasn’t saying much at all — a lot of yelling and screaming,” Fox said, adding the man had broken a window to the school but didn’t take anything. “He wasn’t making sense. They couldn’t really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation.”

Right, that's pretty common when you're trying to communicate with Ohioans.