The Times brings us news today of Happier.com, the world's first social network meant exclusively for the cheeriest among us. "Happier is meant to be a place for photos and status updates about things that make its users happy — pulling off a headstand in yoga class, say, or seeing a butterfly," the paper writes.
There are social networks for drone hobbyists, anglers, and hypnotists, so it makes sense that happy people have been given their own online turf, too. If you're interested in joining Happier, here are some helpful pointers:
– There is "no negativity allowed" on Happier. So while "Just finished my morning run – feeling great!" is an acceptable status update, "Just finished my morning run – my heel blister is oozing with pus, and I'm pretty sure I have shin splints" is not.
– Similarly, while Happier users may be tempted to respond to major world news with snarky retorts — "I bet the royal baby already has crooked teeth!" — you should be more circumspect. Try posting a chart from the World Health Organization showing that, in general, dental-care quality under national health-care systems lags behind that found in privatized systems, with a note below the article stating clearly your view that it isn't cosmetic beauty that matters in the long run, but overall health and well-being.
– Since couples breaking up is such a downer, all people who list "In a relationship" on their Happier status will be legally required to stay together forever.
– Comments on photos, too, should reflect a happy, positive attitude. It is acceptable to post any of the following words while commenting on photos of your Happier friends' new babies: adorable, cute, beautiful, sweetheart, shayna punim. It is not acceptable to comment, "Has he found the precious yet?"
With these tips, you should be on your way to Happier success! Just try to avoid friending your exes. That could lead to acrimony and jealousy, and there aren't social networks for those yet.