Sweet, Sensitive New Jersey Trucker Saves Troubled Swan Couple

By

An injured swan and her panicky, confused mate stopped traffic today in New Jersey as one particularly concerned truck driver attempted to shoo them to safety. The majestic creatures, evidently quite stupid, continued to walk directly into the road over and over again until a section of the New Jersey Turnpike was shut down altogether. (Get your shit together, animals.) The hero, for the record, "has a hairless cat named Jinxie and has owned several parakeets and tropical parrots over the years. He said he's been an animal lover all his life and just wanted to help."