"Let's begin tonight as we've begun so many tonights before, with the strong possibility of a nebulously defined, American-led, targeted-ish bombing designed to bring peace and stability to the bomb-ees," said Jon Stewart on last night's episode of The Daily Show, his second since returning from filming a movie in Jordan. He's calling the Obama administration's plan to attack Syria "Groundhog Deja Clusterf@#k." It's good to have him back.
Stewart also took on his old pal John McCain for playing iPhone poker during a Senate hearing. "You know what, Senator? Go! There's a Rascal scooter and a bucket of quarters with your name on it over at the Golden Nugget," Stewart said. "Instead of playing pretend poker in the actual Senate, go to an actual casino and pretend you know what the government should do."
And then he lambasted himself, recommending we just stay out of Syria via his own recent experiences. "It's like we write this script in America and just head to the Middle East, spend a good amount of time there — and quite a bit of money — and come back, and finally get a chance to look at what you've shot, and it turns out it fucking sucks," he said. "You spend three months of your fucking life over in the Middle East and it's all bullshit." Just something to keep in mind.
Most Viewed Stories
Stephen Colbert Gave a Searing Monologue on Guns, Trump, and ‘Honest Insanity’
Erykah Badu’s Soulful Remix of Drake’s ‘Hotline Bling’ Has Instructions on When and How to Call Her
What’s New on Netflix: October 2015
Tori Spelling Uses the Excuse of a Lie-Detector Test to Basically Brag About Banging Two Guys on Beverly Hills, 90210
We Can’t Predict Who Will Commit a Mass Shooting. Gun Control Is the Only Way Out.
It’s Harder to Be Thin Than It Was in the ’80s
Kenan Thompson Shares Creepy Bill Cosby Story
See How Well the Cast of Wet Hot American Summer Has Aged
Hillary Clinton Serves Her Doppelgänger Drinks and Advice on SNL
Saturday Night Live Recap: Miley Throws a Party In The S.N.L.
Latest News from Daily IntelligencerHistoric Rainfall Has Flooded the Southeast [Updated]
A 1,000-year rainstorm has led to massive flash floods, and President Obama has declared a state of emergency in South Carolina.Jason Chaffetz Will Challenge Kevin McCarthy for Speaker of the House
He'll be the underdog, but still represents the first viable threat to McCarthy and the GOP establishment.What We Know About the Oregon Community-College Shooting
Updated details about the victims, the police response, and how the shooter died.U.S. Airstrike Hits Hospital in Afghanistan
A Doctors Without Borders medical facility in Kunduz was bombed early Saturday morning, killing at least 19 and injuring dozens.Fake Newsstand Comes to Fake Times Square
"Is it real? What can you buy?"
Leave the poor man alone. He's at 4 percent.N.J. Man Apparently Fired for Farting Too Much
Now his wife is suing.Santa Claus Hopes Voters Will Elect Him to Office in North Pole
His qualifications include being named Santa Claus.Developers Keep Building in Sandy Flood Zones
Zone A and in harm's way ...One of the Last Remaining Members of Obama’s Original Cabinet Is Stepping Down
Say good-bye to Secretary of Education Arne Duncan. His likely successor is a Brooklynite.
Will the Fed ever be able to raise rates again?The House’s Right Flank Finally Got Boehner’s Scalp. So Why Doesn’t It Feel Good?
The Planned Parenthood videos brought down an unintended target.The Pope Also Met With a Gay Couple During His American Tour
Sorry, Kim Davis, the pope's just not that into you.T-Mobile Hack Spells Trouble
Unlimited data — on 15 million people.India’s Climate-Change Plan Means Your Grandkids Might Not Be Underwater
The world's soon-to-be-largest country steps up.Hurricane Joaquin Is Just Not That Into the East Coast — But the Rain Is Here to Stay
The latest projections have the big storm veering away from the U.S.The Pope and Kim Davis Have Very Different Memories About How They Met
“Such brief greetings occur on all papal visits and are due to the pope’s characteristic kindness and availability."Raccoons Are Gentrifying One Brooklyn Neighborhood
The nocturnal creatures are apparently running rampant in Carroll Gardens.Yankees Clinch Spot in Wild Card Game, Remind Us That Baseball Teams Spray Champagne for Everything
They could end up doing it all again on Tuesday.How Australia and Britain Tackled Gun Violence
President Obama cited the two nations in his call for stricter gun laws — but would the same strategies work here?