Arthur and August, the beloved subway kittens, appeared last night with Stephen Colbert, who recognized Daily Intelligencer's work on this important issue in the mayoral race. The host called out former MTA chief and Republican favorite Joe Lhota as the only candidate who vowed firmly to "grease our tracks with cat babies" by refusing to stop the trains.
"Folks, this is a shrewd political move," said Colbert. "All these other candidates are just going to split the pro-kitten voters, leaving Joe to sweep up in the key anti-kitten demographic of sociopaths, rats large enough to vote, and ALF."
But Colbert also called on Lhota to back up his tough talk, offering an array of weapons — a bat, knife, hammer, monkey wrench, or burlap sack — with which to finish the job the trains could not. Dead-kitten jokes kill.