The Ultimate Guide to Living for a Ridiculously Long Time

By
Full-length portrait of a senior man walking with cane.
Photo: Ljupco Smokovski/iStockphoto

Over the weekend, yet another of our planet's oldest people passed away and relinquished his title to someone else who will probably die soon. But before he left this world, Salustiano Sanchez-Blazquez imparted one bit of advice: Eat a banana every day and take six Anacins. 

Maybe you don't like bananas, or Anacin, but you still want to live past 100. That's okay: Through the years, the world's most fantastically elderly people have disagreed on what it was, exactly, that allowed them to evade death for so long. As a service to our readers, who we want to live as long as possible (more clicks!), we've summed up the advice offered by anyone who has held the title of World's Oldest Man or World's Oldest Women over the past ten years. You are bound to find something that works for you. 

"Eat light." In fact, eat two meals a day instead of three. Eat "many vegetables" and "raw onion at will." Eat a spoonful of bee pollen every day. Eat herring every day. Don't eat junk food

Don't smoke or drink alcohol. Seriously, never "damage your body with liquor." Drink milk every morning. Drink orange juice every day "for the vitamins." Actually, go ahead and drink "moderately." Have "a glass of red wine with meals." You know what, screw it — go ahead and enjoy "cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women."

Be an optimist. "Live calmly and treat other people well." "Look after yourself and always know your limitations." Let things "happen naturally." "Watch out" for your health. Work hard and do everything in moderation. Get educated. Get a good night's sleep. Try to "not have enemies." Lead an "honest life."

Mind your own business. No, really — mind your own damn business

It also doesn't hurt to have the Lord on your side. "Just live each day the way the Lord gives it" to you. And if you really want to know the secret to long life, you have to ask him.