The Ultimate Government-Shutdown Cable News Supercut

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Partisan disarray is catnip for cable news hosts, so you'll have to forgive their barely concealed excitement now that the bureaucratic apocalypse is upon us. Day one's torrent of information was jam-packed with buzz words and numbers conveyed in the most dramatic fashion possible, like the talking heads were playing themselves in an alien invasion film starring Ted Cruz. If you missed it, let us catch you up in one terrifying minute.