What’s your name and what do you do for a living?
Sandra Z. Zzz. I work in the back room of an ice cream shop, but this is not how I define myself.
What made you decide to build a human-size hamster wheel?
I used to work in a pet shop and I had trouble making ends meet. This caused me to max out my credit card and as a result, I could no longer afford to keep my gym membership. I highly value physical fitness and being surrounded by all the shop rodents, I just put 2 and 2 together.
How much did it cost and how much time did it take to build your human-size hamster wheel?
It took about a year and most of the materials were donated or found. The only cost was my own blood, sweat and tears and you can’t put a price on that.
Do you dedicate an entire room of your apartment to the human-size hamster wheel or is there other stuff in there?
Mostly, yes, the wheel has its own room. Aside from the newspapers, I do have a comfort zone in the corner for post-run cool-downs. Bean bag chairs, a couple lava lamps, a martini shaker … you know, standard stuff.
How has the presence of a human-size hamster wheel in your apartment affected your love life?
Chicks dig the wheel.
How often do you run on the human-size hamster wheel and for how long at a time?
Usually, I put on the RHCP album Freaky Styley and run till it’s over. I try to maintain a strict regimen of 4 sessions a day — twice before breakfast and twice after dinner.
You don’t think you, like, have the soul of a hamster or something, do you?
What, do you think I’m crazy?
You write in the ad, “I WILL NOT HAVE THIS IN MY HOUSE ANY LONGER.” What has turned you against the human-size hamster wheel?
Newfound affluence has afforded me the opportunity to keep physically fit using more conventional training methods. The wheel has for too long been a distracting conversation piece … every time I have guests in my home, all they want to do is talk about the wheel. I hope this finally lays it to rest.
Do you plan to build any weird shit in the future?
I don’t understand the relevance of the question.
This post has been completely re-written, because we didn’t think Sandra Zzz was going to e-mail us back, but then he did.
Update 3:36 p.m.: Nevermind, this is a hoax ad. The real hamster wheel belonged to Seattle man Luke Trerice, according to this CNN clip and 2006 AP news story. It was part of some elaborate prank duel between friends.