Amazing Conspiracy Theory Alert: Obama Faked Fainting Woman, Suggests Gentle Southern Lady

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Thanks to Internet angel Matt Drudge, lady-patriots.com — "Lady Patriots is conservative men and women who believe in America the way God designed her" — is having the best day ever. The breaking news in question, about the president's health-care speech this week, is titled "Proof Obama's Fainting Lady was Faked in 3 Minutes," and wow, does it deliver. The narrator's voice is so soothing, her tone so reasonable, that we want to believe.

"For some strange reason, Obama has to have props around him when he does one of his con-jobs in the Rose Garden, or wherever he chooses to receive his worshipers," writes Dr. Sharon Schuetz. "This was no different, except that he had animated props this time."

The Zapruder film of Obamacare shows the woman next to the pregnant fainter, whom Obama steadied mid-speech, holding the hand and waist of the animated prop. Although this seems like perfectly normal behavior when someone is feeling woozy, it's the nervous grin on the friend's face that strikes our proud American detective as suspicious.

"She nudges her friend to let her know it's time," the wonderful southern lady patriot informs us. "Watch her friend, she never even leans over in concern ... she's very aware that this woman is fixin' to go down ... She smiles when the president turns around." (Imagine that: grinning nervously while trying to keep your cool in a high-pressure situation behind the most important man in the world.) The plot against America is as plain as day.

"Why would they come up with this transparent attempt to manipulate the low information voters? Who knows?" Schuetz concludes. "Did it make anyone feel warm and fuzzy for our hero President? Probably. There are a lot of idiots out there." Indeed.