Dick and Lynne Cheney Basically Take Liz’s Side in Gay-Marriage Dispute

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The Cheney family in happier times, before Dick and Lynne made it clear how much they prefer Liz. Photo: David Hume Kennerly/Getty Images

As the nation watches with fascination as Liz "Good Christian" Cheney and Mary "a Lesbian" Cheney duke it out in public over gay marriage, the siblings' parents have finally decided to weigh in. And while both Dick and Lynne have long supported marriage equality, the statement they released today is designed not to soothe tensions between the sisters or to express neutrality, but, more than anything else, to buttress Liz's Wyoming Senate campaign:

This is an issue we have dealt with privately for many years, and we are pained to see it become public. Since it has, one thing should be clear. Liz has always believed in the traditional definition of marriage.

Don't worry, Wyoming voters, our daughter isn't just pretending for your benefit! She sincerely views gay people — like our other daughter, whatsherface — as inferior to heterosexuals.

She has also always treated her sister and her sister's family with love and respect, exactly as she should have done. Compassion is called for, even when there is disagreement about such a fundamental matter and Liz's many kindnesses shouldn't be used to distort her position.

That last part about "distorting" Liz's kindness is a response to Mary Cheney's wife's claim that Liz treats her with love and respect, yet says she doesn't approve of their marriage. Which doesn't seem like it "distorts" Liz's position on gay marriage so much as it portrays her as a two-faced homophobe.