Whose Enormous Chicken Boner Did Bill Clinton Draw?

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Photo: Guccifer

Among the various Bill Clinton doodles hacked and released to the world by the infamous Guccifer last night, the one that has somehow flown under the radar so far is the smiling man standing next to a piece of chicken and sporting an enormous boner. Who is this man, and why is he aroused by the chicken? Daily Intelligencer spent a good chunk of the past couple of hours investigating these questions. 

The most popular interpretation of Chicken Boner Man — as proposed in the comments section of Gawker — is that he is supposed to represent Bob Dole. The circumstantial evidence is compelling: The drawing appears directly adjacent to Dole's name, and Dole is a well-known former pitchman for Viagra. However, this interpretation breaks down upon closer inspection. Viagra was introduced in 1998, and Dole's earliest endorsement of the product occurred in May of that year. The Clinton document — which can be found, sans doodles, on the website of the Clinton Library — is dated October 24, 1995, and therefore long predates the association between Bob Dole and robust erections. 

So who, then, is Chicken Boner Man? Perhaps he's nobody — a fictional figment of Bill Clinton's wandering imagination. Or, perhaps, it's Clinton himself. 

It's no secret that Clinton has a fondness for fried chicken, an Arkansas staple. "In 1993," Yahoo has reported, "when Marti Mongiello landed a gig as a White House chef at Camp David he wasn't surprised that he was expected to whip up the first family's favorite foods. Steaks, hamburgers, fried chicken, and the Arkansas classic 'bologna tralala.'" And from a 2005 CBS interview after Clinton underwent a heart procedure:

BILL CLINTON: I do, I love it all.

SHARYN ALFONSI: Barbeques?

BILL CLINTON: Barbeque.

SHARYN ALFONSI: Pie?

BILL CLINTON: Pie.

SHARYN ALFONSI: Fried chicken?

BILL CLINTON: Absolutely.

In addition to being a well-known chicken lover, Bill Clinton is also a well-known boner haver. And not just any boners — Clinton, according to a sexual harassment lawsuit by Paula Jones, suffers from Peyronie's Disease, which results in a curvature of the penis. As you can see in the doodle, Chicken Boner Man's penis features a very distinguished curve. Back, and to the left. 

So while it's not a certainty, the most likely interpretation is that Clinton's doodle is a self-portrait. With an enormous boner. For a piece of chicken.