New York Competition No. 5: Dark Carols

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Welcome back to the new New York Magazine Competition. The best of last week's submissions, including the winner, appears below this week's call for entries. 

It's easy to play: On Monday mornings, we'll lay out a challenge and offer a few sample responses. Give it your best shot in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we've provided, and on Friday the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year's subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription for the iPad edition (winner's choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 5: DARK CAROLS. Please submit the title or sample lyrics from a Christmas song suited to our uneasy times. For example:

ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD GET HIGH

GOD HELP YE, MERRY GENTLEMEN

FROSTY THE SLUSHMAN

Post your submission in the comments below, or on Twitter with the hashtag #darkcarols.

 

RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 4, “Sub-sequels,” in which you were asked the names of follow-up projects that display diminished ambition.

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

 Ocean's What Are We Up To Now, 14, 15?

REGISMAYHEM

 
A Second Time Upon A Time

JDLEAV

Fraggle Adult Contemporary

GABEGIRL

 
Sex and t
he Gated Community

ELLEEM78

 
Silkwood 2: I Stood Too Long in
 Front of the Microwave

FOOFFOO


Last Tango In Paris II: We're Out Of Butter 

@darkprojectnist


Americ
an Horror Story: Port Authority

NDESQ

 
Zack and Miri Make a Tuna Casserole

@dvdliebig

 
It Happened One Night: And Then It Happened The Next Night Too.

HAUNT_FOX

 
No Marley
, Just Me

THENEXT_MRSBASS

 
2021: An Amazon Delivery Drone

FLIMFLAMMAN

 
Why I 
Divorced Your Mother

WHYGODWHY

 
How I Met Your Stepmother

KJONESIII

 
Avatar 2: User Name and Password

FISHPEDDLER

The Mystery of Al Capone's Vault 2: Geraldo Tries Again

RAPT0RESQ

 
The Meh Factor

WASPYJEWESS


She's Gotta Have At Least One Working Lung 
@NFonseca78  


The Hobbit 4: The Lord of t
he ... oh wait ...

PSYBAB

Star Wars: Pew! Pew! Pew!

FLIRTYSANCHEZ

Queer Eye For The Straight Girl

@twindy5

The O'Keeffe Code

 @marontheweb

 
White Sale on 34th Street

@DebPoppel

 
The Hunger Games 4: Trader Joe's Is Out Of Your Favorite Snack

@CarlyRickards


Say Yes to the Mom Jeans
 
@levendowski


General Hospital Merger 
@twindy5

 

AND THE WINNER IS:

 

Turtlenado

77BC