New York Competition No. 6: Banal Haiku

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Welcome back to the new New York Magazine Competition. The best of last week's submissions, including the winner, appear below this week's call for entries.

It's easy to play: On Monday mornings, we'll lay out a challenge and offer a few sample responses. Give it your best shot in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we've provided, and on Sunday the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year's subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner's choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 6: BANAL HAIKU. Please submit an uninspired poem in the classic five-seven-five syllable structure. For example:

The cat knocked over

Our Christmas tree. Water spilled.

The presents got wet.

 

Parallel-park man

Forgets to engage his brake.

The car is not safe.

 

A Seinfeld rerun

Airs at 11 p.m.

I like that Kramer.

 

Post your submission in the comments below, or on Twitter with the hashtag #banalhaiku.


RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 5: DARK CAROLS, in which you were asked to name Christmas songs with an unfestive nature.

Popular entries: “Let It Blow.” Molly for jolly. White supremacist Christmases. The Twelve Days (and Steps) of various bad things. “Do You Fear What I Hear?” “Rudolph, the Crackhead Reindeer.“ Lots of “balls” for “bells,” and little bummer boys. O Come All Ye Everything. And everyone’s stoned for Christmas!

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

The Holly and the I. V.

Deb Poppel @DebPoppel

 

SantaCon Is Coming to Town

Kellen Leon-Atkins @KLeonNapkins

 

Police Navidad

— Dennis Donathan ‏@woodychapel

 

Do You Smell What I Smell?

heather @heatherlike

 

Santa Claus Is Coming Too Fast

DUKE84

 

Frackin’ Around the Christmas Tree

NDESQ

 

Ar-rest These Dark-Skinned Gentlemen

DC10001

 

Hark, the Herald Angels Swing

RPRADA

 

Joy Does the World

CAPTRENAULT

 

I'll Be Under the Dome for Christmas

ANDREAZUCKERMANVASQUEZ

 

Do You Hear What I Hear (Voices in My Head Remix)

KICKS

 

I Saw Three Thickes (Come Sailing In)

Nina Bahadur @nbahadur

 

Come, they told me, because YOLO.

FLIRTYSANCHEZ

 

Soylent Night

Wendy Malloy @WendyMalloy

 

While Shepherds Stroked Their C0cks

WASPYJEWESS

 

Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas

THENEXT_MRSBASS

 

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Herpes

 MIDDLECOASTDAN

 

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like the War on Christmas

SHAR_KBITE

 

Feliz Nazidad

 77BC

 

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and Told Dad and then Christmas Ended With a Murder-Suicide and I Had to Go Into Foster Care

FOOFFOO

 

AND THE WINNER IS ...

 

WHOSE CHILD IS THIS??

— Margaret Gay ‏@margaretgayo