Putin Will Free Pussy Riot, But He’s Definitely Not Sorry

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During this morning's Putinpalooza, the Russian president's annual troll-athon, he confirmed that a new amnesty bill will result in the early release of the protest band — and hey, he'll throw in a pardon for jailed oil tycoon and sworn enemy Mikhail Khodorkovsky — just don't expect him to not be a dick about it. "I feel sorry for Pussy Riot not for the fact that they were jailed, but for disgraceful behavior that has degraded the image of women," said Putin, twirling his nonexistent mustache.