According to our sources (two “Garfield-a-day” calendars), it’s almost the end of 2013. Which means that, as a news outlet, we are legally obligated to do some sort of retrospective on things that took place over the course of the year. And what better way to do that than with a “We Didn’t Start the Fire”—type song consisting entirely of notable 2013 people and events that happen to sometimes rhyme with each other? Seriously, is that the best way? Well, shit. We already put this whole thing together.
Anyway, presenting “We Didn’t Start the 2013,” with lyrics by Dan Amira, video and vocals by Abraham Riesman, and original musical score by Shia LaBeouf.
Edward Snowden, Sharknado, Mayor Bill de Blasio,
Zimmerman, “Bag Men,” Rob Ford smoking crack.
Miley Cyrus twerking, Obamacare not working,
NSA, GTA, kittens on the track.Government shutdown, gun control shot down,
Brood II, hyperloop, Hitler as a teapot.
North Korea dropped a nuke, Harry Reid dropped it, too,
Syria, Asiana, Weiner’s latest crotch-shot.Stuff that happened this year.
Lots of stuff happened, in 2013.
Stuff that happened this year.
Stuff just kept on happening, throughout the year.Red lines, “Blurred Lines,” waiting on the Cronut line,
Morsi, Banksy, rhubarb lady, royal baby fever,
World War II memorial, Manti Te’o’s gullible,
“Like your plan, keep your plan,” Anne Frank’s a Belieber.Sydney Leathers, Chris Dorner, 3-D printers, Dubya shower,
gridlock, Twitter stock, one more swear-in for Barack.
Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Wendy wearing pink shoes,
Breaking Bad came to an end, Rodman made a new friend.Stuff that happened this year.
Lots of stuff happened, in 2013.
Stuff that happened this year.
Stuff just kept on happening, throughout the year.Meteor, Gravity, Bradley Manning is a she,
Silly Bandz, Citi Bike, do the Harlem Shake.
Racist Halloween costumes, Philippines hit by typhoon,
Nairobi, Gandolfini, everything is fake.Alec Baldwin’s gay slur, Paula Deen’s N-word,
Arias, Pistorious, Ravens were victorious.
Marriage law equalized, marijuana legalized,
Jason Collins says he’s gay, Portman thinks that’s a-OK.
A-Rod doping, Filner groping, Pope Francis hippie-poping,
Biker gangs control the street, secret Swedish horse meat,
IRS, Google Glass, Lululemon shows your ass,
JFK, blown away, 50 years ago today.Stuff that happened this year.
Lots of stuff happened, in 2013.
Stuff that happened this year.
Stuff just kept on happening, throughout the year.
