Obama to Spend Presidents’ Day Weekend Watching Brutal Killings and Copious Cocaine-Snorting

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“Where is my True Detective and Game of Thrones?” the president reportedly asked HBO’s CEO at the state dinner this week. Obama, a noted fan of Boardwalk Empire and Homeland, shows that are “a little darker” than his daughters’ Modern Family and Parks and Recrecreation, is apparently expecting DVDs to take on his holiday getaway to California. Streaming House of Cards must not be as much fun when you’re forced to live it.