Long Island Senior-Citizen Softball Beef Includes Almost Every Old-Person Cliché Ever

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Two Long Island septuagenarians could not handle the competitive intensity of their "Super Senior" softball league, letting a little squabble over team uniforms escalate into a probably very-slow-motion, bench-clearing brawl. The New York Post reports that 72-year-old Robert Willis is now suing his former teammate, 74-year-old Ronald Tagliaferri, over threats following the incident, including a voice mail from Tagliaferri warning Willis to “look out” because he knows where he “gets his prescriptions filled.”

Willis switched teams, and hopefully pharmacies, but Tagliaferri kept at it, needing to be restrained at another game because Willis, whose hearing isn’t what it used to be, didn’t hear the umpire call him out after a play. It all escalated beyond Grumpy Old Men territory when Taglieferri allegedly left another message saying he was he was going to beat Willis’s “brains out with a baseball bat."

Tagliaferri, who, not surprisingly, is very passionate about softball, denies the charges. “He has osteoporosis. He doesn’t walk too great. I wouldn’t do anything to [hurt] this guy,” he said, stressing some very geriatric-themed excuses as his defense.