New Jersey Woman’s Thursday Night Was Probably Worse Than Yours

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One of the advantages of owning a dog and a flat-screen television is knowing that those things will be waiting for you at home after a bad first date, which is why what happened in New Jersey on Thursday night was so unfair: According to The Daily Record of Parsippany, an unnamed Dover woman called the police early Friday morning to report that a guy she met on a dating website had stolen her $3,000 Samsung TV and $4,000 Yorkshire terrier, Violet, from her house when she "became occupied in another room."

Officers spent the day following leads on the man, known to his unlucky date only as "Joel." Their investigation included swiping the victim's cell phone for fingerprints (Joel had apparently used it) and going to the places the pair had visited during their brief courtship. Then, at 3 a.m. on Saturday, the woman informed the cops that she had discovered Violet, tied by a leash to the television, in her front yard. The terrier is said to be in "good health," while there was no information on the state of the flat-screen. The authorities say that they now know Joel's true identity and could still end up filing charges against him. Either way, New Jersey's female online daters should do themselves a favor by committing his selfie to memory.