Deutsche Bank Would Like Its Workers to Stop Being Filthy, Foul-Mouthed Cretins

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For the love of God, people.

Wall Street has never been a place for the delicate. But Deutsche Bank is taking steps toward making its trading floors a little more prim and proper.

A video starring Deutsche Bank investment banking co-head Colin Fan is rocketing around Wall Street inboxes today. In the video, first acquired by the Financial Times, Fan calls out Deutsche Bank employees for "falling way short of our established standards" when it comes to their "e-mails, conversations, and conduct." While reminding them that their calls and emails are logged and can be reviewed by regulators in the event of an investigations, Fan warns employees to take care: "Being boastful, indiscreet and vulgar is not O.K. It will have serious consequences for your career, and I have lost patience on this issue.”

It's not clear what set Fan off, although DealBook says that the video was "part of an [sic] continuing self-improvement regimen." (It also may have had something to do with the embarrassing Libor emails, or the embarrassing S&P emails, or the embarrassing Fabulous Fab emails, or any number of instances in which bank workers have forgotten that the cardinal rule of banking is that you don't put anything in email.)

Now, with their emails and phone calls being monitored for impropriety, insouciant Deutsche Bankers will have to find some other way to let loose at work. I recommend Snapchat.