FBI Director Says ‘JK!’ About Hiring Stoners (After Being Scolded)

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The internet tittered when FBI director James Comey admitted it was hard to find computer programmers who haven't smoked pot, but Senator Jeff Sessions was not amused. At a congressional oversight meeting today, Comey got a stern talking-to from a disappointed elder — not unlike a 15-year-old caught getting high.

Stating the obvious at a conference on Monday, Comey said, "A lot of the nation's top computer programmers and hacking gurus are also fond of marijuana," as quoted in The Wall Street Journal. "I have to hire a great work force to compete with those cyber criminals and some of those kids want to smoke weed on the way to the interview," he added before explaining that he was "grappling with the question right now" of how to adjust the agency's marijuana policy, which prohibits anyone who's smoked in the last three years.

Sessions might as well have found his stash in a sock drawer. "I was very disappointed" by the comments, which seemed "to make light of marijuana use," Sessions told a smirking Comey this afternoon. "Do you understand that that could be interpreted as one more example of leadership in America dismissing the seriousness of marijuana use? And that could undermine our ability to convince young people not to go down a dangerous path?" the Alabama lawmaker demanded.

"I am determined not to lose my sense of humor," replied Comey, barely holding back an eye-roll, "but unfortunately there I was trying to be both serious and funny." While Comey is "dead set against using marijuana," he explained, "I waxed philosophic and funny to say, look, one of our challenges that we face is getting a good workforce at the same time when young people's attitudes about marijuana and our states' attitudes about marijuana are leading more and more of them to try it." Sessions, basically, is such a narc, and should probably just chill out.