New York Competition No. 21: Brooks, Dowd, Friedman, et al.

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Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer a sample responses. Enter in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 21: BROOKS, DOWD, FRIEDMAN, ET AL. Please invent a passage from one of the Times’s star columnists. For example: 

Our kitchens grow ever larger, yet we have fewer conversations in them.”

“I had a dream about kissing Barry, and called Poppy Bush to ask what it might mean.”

“As we prepared for descent into Karachi, our flight attendant said something profound to me.”

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #futureNYTcolumn, or in the comments thread below, by May 14. Winner and runners-up will appear in the next issue. Criteria are subjective, but favorited and retweeted posts have an edge. The prize is a year’s subscription in print or two years on the iPad (winner’s choice).

RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 20: TWITTER BEFORE TWITTER, in which you were asked for a long-lost 140-character post.

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

Wow, there sure are a lot of Indians.” —@gengeorge custer
@mearp6388  

4score+20. New nation. All men =. War? War! Many dead. Not about us, it’s about them. Make it count.  USA! USA! #gettysburg #goblue” —@stretch_ lincoln16
JPLBK

ok so nobody likes cake #overreacting much?” —@marie_ antoinette
jhartarl

ugh. parents.”  —@lizzieb
77BC

Feeling great. Can’t wait until  I get to the ballpark today.” —@wallypipp
@DougMonaghan  

Just to be clear, 1 if by land, 2 if by sea. Msg me if you need a ride. I’ll be up late.” —@prevere
—@DanielPaisner  

.” —@johncage
JDuggar

Helium is for SUCKORZ #embargo! This airship just won’t quit! Here we come, New Jersey!”  —@hindnbrg
@DanielGalef

.@USA #irancontra is totes my bad.were cool, rite?” —@rreagan
AlienIncognito

How do you work this damned cassette? Oh … NM.”  —@rmnixon
bobpiano

Methinks  @SallyHemings is hot. #obvious Gotta keep it DL. Think I noticed a bump. #wtf?” —@thomjeff
—@schimmelgoldart  

#First”  —@real georgewash
FlirtySanchez

Someone just fixed me a drink YOLO.”  —@socrates  
rgqueen

AND THE WINNER IS:
“Not quite! #ChiTribuneSucks RT” —@HSTruman
Amala83