Rob Ford Wants Everyone to Know Rehab Is Awesome

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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reacts to a video released of him by local media at City Hall in Toronto, November 7, 2013. Ford admitted on Tuesday he has smoked crack cocaine, probably "in one of my drunken stupors," but insisted he is not an addict and said he would stay in office and run for re-election next year.
Photo: MARK BLINCH/Corbis

With some Toronto lawmakers suspicious that crack-smoking Mayor Rob Ford actually made it to rehab in some top-secret location — “It’s not like he’s at a baseball game in Los Angeles or something,” his lawyer assured everyone — Ford has popped up to say he’s there and it’s “amazing.” In an interview with the Toronto Sun, Ford, who wouldn’t say where he is, delivered a spiel about how rad it is to get help that’s just generic enough to be believable and just insane enough to be from Rob Ford. “Of course, I am coming back,” he promised, perhaps getting ahead of himself, “and I am going to kick butt.”

“I feel great,” he added. “Rehab is amazing. It reminds me of football camp. Kind of like the Washington Redskins camp I went to as a kid.”

He’s been recognized, “but there are two doctors here, a captain of industry and a professional athlete,” Ford said. “There are terrific people in my group. We are all supporting each other. We are connecting in a weird way.”

Are you really, wonders a local reporter who’s not convinced? (You know what they say: Fool us once about smoking crack, shame on you; fool us twice, or three, or four times …)

If a video does pop up of Ford at a baseball game in L.A., belting "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" into a souvenir-cup microphone, no one will be shocked.