New York Magazine Competition No. 26: New York Superheroes


Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer a sample responses. Enter in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 26: NEW YORK SUPERHEROES. Please suggest a comic-book hero you’d like to see in your day-to-day urban life. For example:

THE BRATSTALKER: Cranky old guy who tells off obnoxious teens on the bus the way you’d like to, so you don’t have to risk getting punched.

STAINMAN: Able to pick up, dry-clean, and deliver in one afternoon.

THE UBERLYFTER: Gets you from midtown to JFK, in a rainstorm, five minutes, $5.

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #NYCsuperheroes, or in the comments thread below, by July 23.

RESULTS OF COMPETITION No. 25: SEUSS FOR OUR TIME, in which you were asked for a contemporary verse, unbound by taste, in the manner of Theodor Seuss Geisel.


I’m not smart.
See, I’m with stupid.
Shouldn’t have gone on OKCupid.

Her tongue is out.
She does a twerk.
She gets big bucks.
You call that work?

I’ll make a change.
I really will.”
Said David, Rudy,
Mike and Bill.
And if we listen
really still
we can hear
“’Twas all for nil.”

Why can’t I stop
at just one drink?
I do not know.
I’ll ask my shrink.

The court has ruled for Hobby Lobby.
Might as well live in Abu Dhabi.

Yankee star Tanaka’s hurling,
So I’ll tolerate John Sterling.
Here’s the pitch,
a fly ball deep,
It’s not gone! It’s driven by Jeep.

You do not read your e-mails.  
I have to send a text.
You do not answer phone calls.
What ever will be next?

I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like their big fat cans.
I do not like Kardashians.

I do not like to try on clothes
or shoes without my pantyhose.
I do not like my legs or nose,
But I could change them,
I suppose.

Your party starts tonight at eight?
I cannot come at any rate.
Got big plans with friends of mine:
Netflix and a box of wine.


I cannot go for drinks tonight.
I cannot “throw it down.”
I cannot play in any way.
My mother is in town.