All Crack Considered, Rob Ford Could Very Well Still Win an Election

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It's been a while since we checked in on the Charlie Sheen of Canada, crack-smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford, and wouldn't you know, post-rehab and all the rest, he's doing goddamn great. Ford, best known for getting unbelievably high on-camera, repeatedly, is trailing a challenger by only three points ahead of the October 27 election, according to a new poll. The man must be running one hell of a campaign, right?

Wrong:

Operating without the sophisticated campaigns of Tory and Chow, Ford has held only three policy announcements. He has commented on issues including the city’s raccoon “problem”, taken the ALS ice bucket challenge, attended debates and received rock star treatment at public events.

Meanwhile, newly released documents about his firing as a local high-school football coach last year reveal that Ford "made the players roll in goose scat and he called them cocksuckers" and showed up "visibly inebriated" to practice.

Ford more years, Ford more years!