Kirsten Gillibrand’s Colleagues in Congress Called Her Fat

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Photo: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Here is some of the trenchant commentary Senator Kirsten Gillibrand’s colleagues have shared with her about her own damn body during her time in Congress.

“Good thing you’re working out, because you wouldn’t want to get porky!” – an older male colleague

“You know, Kirsten, you’re even pretty when you’re fat.” – a Southern member of Congress, while holding her arm

“When I first met you in 2006 you were beautiful, a breath of fresh air. To win [the special election], you need to be beautiful again.” – a labor leader

“Don’t lose too much weight now. I like my girls chubby.” – one of her favorite members, while squeezing her waist

Unfortunately, Gillibrand is keeping her colleagues' identities a secret, so they won't get the proper public shaming they deserve. But to help these civic-minded geniuses understand when it is appropriate to comment on a woman’s physical appearance here and now in the 21st century, I have created a flowchart.

Here's an abbreviated version. I know that they're very busy, and short on time. Also on manners. And common sense. And respect for the dignity of their fellow human beings.