Uber Is Now a One-Stop Shop for All Your Booty Call Needs

By
Th Uber Technologies Inc. car service application (app) is demonstrated for a photograph on an Apple Inc. iPhone in New York, U.S., on Wednesday, Aug. 6, 2014. For San Francisco-based Uber Technologies Inc. which recently raised $1.2 billion of investors' financing at $17 billion valuation, New York is its biggest by revenue among the 150 cities in which it operates across 42 countries. The Hamptons are a pop-up market for high-end season weekends where the average trip is three time that of an average trip in New York City. Photographer: Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg via Getty Images
Photo: Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg via Getty Images

If your dude keeps "forgetting" to pick up condoms and then when he goes to the bodega to get them they're mysteriously "all out" and then — oops —  he "left his wallet at home" and inevitably "it's okay I'll just pull out," then Uber has your back.

The car-service app is testing a new delivery system called Corner Store, where in addition to ordering a car to chauffeur you to and from hookups, you can also have it deliver items like tampons, toilet paper, and — yes — condoms. The convenience economy just wants to delight your sex life.

Unfortunately for Uber, the condom-delivery space is already pretty crowded, which makes us wonder why humans seem to have such a difficult time locating and purchasing condoms. Or are people just not willing to waste quality make-out time by rushing out to Duane Reade? I wouldn't know, because I do not do sex stuff. What is sex, anyway? Is it like twerking?

Corner Store is currently only available in Washington, D.C., but this is New York, people: If you need a free condom, just sneak into an NYU dorm and steal some from the bowl next to the RA's room. Godspeed.