NYPD Pays $33,000 Settlement for Confusing Jolly Ranchers With Crystal Meth

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Photo: Audness / Deviantart/Courtesy shot

Today in terrible uses of taxpayer dollars, the police have agreed to pay five figures to three men wrongfully arrested for drugs when they really had candy. "To my knowledge there is no evidence in the scientific literature that crystal meth looks like Jolly Ranchers or rock candy, other than from the Breaking Bad TV show," said their attorney. The NYPD, which did not admit wrongdoing, insists a field test showed the sweets to be illicit, and that the cops couldn't have known — except for the fact that the men were stopped leaving a store called It's Sugar.