Hear the Palin Family Describe Their Drunken Brawl

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Since the Palin family is between reality shows at the moment, America will not get to watch last month’s drunken house-party brawl, but now we have the next best thing: Audio of various members of the Palin family describing their ordeal to the police. Police have released evidence photos and recorded interviews with many witnesses, which were posted in full by the Alaska Dispatch News. If you don’t have a few hours to sort out who hit whom at the birthday party for four people, here’s the juiciest bit: Bristol Palin tells an officer that the fight started when her sister Willow approached her in the family’s rented Hummer limo and said “some old lady” had “pushed” her. Bristol said she responded, “Oh fucking hell no, no one is going to touch my sister.”

Bristol, who was described as “heavily intoxicated and upset” in the police report, says that when she tried to confront the woman, she was attacked by a man she didn’t know. Multiple witnesses identified him as Korey Klingenmeyer and said they saw Bristol punch him in the face repeatedly. However, Bristol says, “A guy comes out of nowhere and pushes me on the ground, takes me by my feet in my dress — in my thong dress in front of everybody — [and says] ‘Come on you c*nt, get the fuck out of here. Come on you slut, get the fuck out of here.”

They took my $300 sunglasses, they took my fucking shoes and I’m fucking just left here?” Bristol says. When asked where she’s injured, she continues, “My fucking knees, my face, where’s my shit? I have a 5-year-old in the car.”

Sarah Palin is heard in the background urging her children not to cuss, obviously to no avail.