Horny Murderer Sues State for Right to View Porn

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The book in question.

Everyone knows that when the Founding Fathers sat around drawing up the First Amendment, it was with the specific intent to protect their right to view weird-ass porn. Because if there’s one thing the U.S. Bill of Rights strongly guarantees, it is citizens’ right to jerk off.

Now a convicted murderer at Cheshire Correctional Institute in Connecticut is suing the state for infringing upon his constitutional right to look at porn. Forty-year-old Dwight Pink Jr. believes he should be allowed to keep the book Art Models 7 with him in jail, but in 2012, Corrections banned any materials that depict nudity. 

Pink is currently serving a 50-year sentence, which means he has plenty of time to figure out how to use his imagination.