Raccoon Plans Aerial Attack

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A raccoon is currently plotting his species’ attack on humans, scrambling up to the top of a lamppost in Queens to get a lay of the land. So far our intelligence has gathered that the raccoon looks “actually kind of scared” and would “probably prefer to just go back to his raccoon house than be up there on that lamppost.” Should’ve thought about that before you climbed up there, buddy!

Perhaps, however, this raccoon isn’t plotting his revenge against humans at all. Perhaps this was simply his reaction to realizing he had accidentally traveled into Queens.