Serial Breast-Pump Thief on the Loose in New Jersey

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Photo: Courtesy of Burlington Coat Factory

New Jersey police are asking for the public’s help in identifying a serial breast-pump thief after he hit up two area Burlington Coat Factories to steal the lactation devices. The thief reportedly attempted to swipe three breast pumps, worth nearly $1,000, from one Burlington Coat Factory, but ditched them while fleeing — so great job not even actually stealing stuff, dude. If you happen to see any weirdos watching lactation porn in public, feel free to contact the Brick Township Police Department, ‘cause that’s probably their man.