Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer a sample responses. Enter in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.
COMPETITION NO. 37: CHRISTMAS EXPOSÉS: Please offer the tabloid approach to a familiar holiday carol or theme. For example:
Rudolph: “I Just Wanted to Be Liked”
“Hey, Kids, I Started Smoking That Corncob Pipe at 10, and Now I’m Dead”
Joseph to Maury: “I’m Not the Father!”
A One-Horse Open Sleigh of Misery: PETA Speaks Out
Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #tabloidxmas, or in the comments thread below, by December 23.
RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 36, “MISPLACED EMPHASIS,” in which you were asked for a phrase or title given new meaning by its delivery.
HONORABLE MENTION TO:
Hell is other people?
“That’s what?” she said.
We report you.
Always leave them, laughing as you say good-bye.
“Will, you still love me?”
That’s one smallll step … for a MAN.
No, Justice, no! Peace.
Cool hand, Luke.
What is this thing called, love?
Anyway, the wind blows. Doesn’t really matter to me.
Experience is the best, teacher ;)
A penny? For your thoughts?
You? You’re driving me? (Crazy!)
“Where in the world is Carmen?”
Now is the winter of our dis. Content?
Show a little, class.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Live free or die?
Happiness is not a—
It had to be you?
AND THE WINNER IS:
All the presidents? Men.