New York Magazine Competition No. 39: Now in Cuba!

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Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer a sample responses. Enter in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 39: NOW IN CUBA!  Please describe a company now opening in its newest market, 90 miles to the south. For example:

Uber: A 1958 Chevy Impala driven by a slim, bronzed young man will show up at your door, then run out of gas. Works only with landline phones.

Applebee’s de Santiago: Sweet Asian Chili ribs purged from menu owing to ideological concerns about new Chinese market-based economy.

Staples Havana: All envelopes preprinted with “Miami, FL” as return address.    

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #doingbusinessincuba, or in the comments thread below, by January 24.

RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 38, “NEW PROVERBS FOR A NEW YEAR,” in which you were asked to coin a familiar phrase of the future.

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Uber.  
greg6249

At 50, everyone has the Facebook he deserves.
alanmarkgreenspan

The buck stops here; E-ZPass is usually quicker.

There are none so blind as those who will not stop texting.  
UsingWordsGood

A meme is worth a thousand words.
RustyShackelford

Hope for the best, but prepare for the meh.
KathleenS

Behind every great man is a social media guru.
chris.kaiser

People who live in glass houses end up on YouTube.
alme

No one can make you feel inferior unless you accept their friend request.  
qpdbug 

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy Instagramming something else.  
semperfox

Do not judge the young dictator by the cut of his hair but by the content of his distractions. 
Irenedeblasio

Don’t judge an e-book by its customer reviews.
Lexxman

Birds of a feather bae together.
intrepidrider

Two’s company, 300 is a flash mob. 
rbison

Like your friend’s comments, and like your enemy’s comments sarcastically.  
JDuggar

Hell hath no fury like a Supreme Leader scorned.
YouLookGoodGirl

When the going gets tough, consciously uncouple. 
MiddleCoastDan

Watch not now that which can be later streamed. 
RegisMayhem

The more things change, the more it makes older people go insane. 
whosays

If you can’t take the heat, wait 24 hours for the next controversy to push you out of the headlines. 
FlirtySanchez

The more the climate changes, the more – OH MY GOD, ANOTHER HURRICANE
RealityCzech

A penny saved is a penny earned, except for quantitive easing, where the Fed can make as many pennies as it wants.
rob.stumpf

Make every hour a billable hour.
queasyrider

If at first you don’t succeed, curse out the NY Mag staff. 
whosays

AND THE WINNER IS

Never trust someone who owns a selfie stick.
NY8