New York Magazine Competition No. 40: Unexpected GOP Candidates

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Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer a sample responses. Enter in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 40: UNEXPECTED GOP CANDIDATESPlease suggest the newest person to join the growing 2016 GOP field, and supply a platform plank or slogan. For example:

WALTER WHITE: “The small-business expert.”

ADAM SAVAGE & JAMIE HYNEMAN: “We can’t wait to blow up a whole country!

BILL BELICHICK: “I’ll keep inflation down.” 

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #unexpectedGOPcandidates, or in the comments thread below, by February 4.

RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 39, “NOW IN CUBA!” in which you were asked to describe a company now opening in its newest market, 90 miles to the south.

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

Taco Bell Havana: Think outside the bun, but not outside state-mandated parameters.
chris.kaiser

Logic: Now offering electronic cigars.
Periclescrystal

Clairol: Only your hairdresser knows for sure…and your government! 
gianna13

HURT—Havana Underground Rapid Transit.  Don’t worry, we’ll open a second station in the near future. 
Lexxman

Yanqui Candle—With new scents of Mojito Morn, Fresh Sugarcane, and Faint Whiff of Progress.
jhartarl

McDonald’s Cuba: Bringing you American obesity at affordable prices. 
LCNYC

COMINTERN Intern Labor Staffing Solutions.
kthxbye

Jet Ski: Be ready next time there’s a regime change.
j_son

Starbucks’ new Havana location is now featuring its Miami Batista blend:  rich and dense, with a bitter finish.  
dc10001

Fidel Express; When it absolutely, positively has to get there eventually. 
OldYeller62

De Beers recommends spending at least twenty years’ salary on a suitable engagement ring.  Because: A Diamond Takes Forever.
queasyrider

Diebold: Electronic voting machines to ensure the next century of democratic rule by the people’s (only) party. 

AlienIncognito

Major League Baseball:  We’ll save you the trip!
BambooLounge

Weight Watchers: Reach your goal weight by reducing calorie consumption to a strict weekly amount, as indicated on your government-issued food ration card. 
JDuggar

Blockbuster: You guys still have VCRs, right? 

rgqueen

AND THE WINNER IS:

Bitcoin Cuba: Combining two things most Americans pretend to, but don’t really, understand.

@dannygroner