Move to Missoula If You Want to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

By
Image
The end of the world, as imagined by science.Photo: NBC, Shutterstock

The Wall Street Journal talked to researchers at Cornell University who have pinpointed the perfect place to hide during a zombie apocalypse. It apparently isn’t Scranton, Pennsylvania, which is perfectly positioned to host hungry hordes of the undead after they destroy all the nearby major metropolises. 

That’s right, according to science, fictional characters Jim, Pam, Dwight, and Michael Scott would all die if a hypothetical zombie apocalypse were to happen. 

The safest places to hide are rural areas in Montana and Nevada, which are so remote that they could avoid zombies for months. In other words, Cliven Bundy will probably be the last person left at the end of the world.

Missoula, the city named one of the safest places to wait out a zombie invasion, probably also benefits from a local sword business called “Zombie Tools.” One of its owners told NBC Montana, “The idea that you’re just going to survive with your gun is going to last the first few weeks until you run out of ammunition,” and that “we are a serious business we take pride in our craft, zombies or no zombies, we’re thinking about unicorns next.”

However, the Journal adds, “the subject matter is completely hypothetical, of course. But the Cornell team’s zombie simulation could have applications for modeling real-life outbreaks.” An online commenter still found it prudent to note, “Zombies are not real. I didn’t expect the WSJ to get into that nonsense.”

Scranton, which has hosted several zombie conventions, has nothing to worry about yet. A local reporter asked an infectious disease specialist in Scranton about the study, and he said, “I’ve been in practice for 50 years, and I’ve never seen a zombie. They’re pretty rare.”