Carl and His Friend Swear That Carl Punched a Bear in the Face

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"Rwaaaa," says Carl.

Seventy-three-year-old Carl Moore could hear his Lacy whimpering outside his house in Meadow Vista, California, on April 20. Given that he loves the Chihuahua like a daughter, and his other 15-year-old dog isn’t much of a protector anymore, he rushed outside to see what was going on.  

Waiting for him was a 300-pound bear. “I raised both hands in the air,” Moore explained to CBS Sacramento in what is perhaps the best local news broadcast since the leprechaun sighting in Mobile, “and I cussed at him, ‘Rrraaaaaaa! Get out of here you bastard, and he looked at me like ‘Go eff yourself.’”

Instead of calling Fish and Wildlife officials, Moore says he punched the bear in the face. 

The man or beast that I run from ain’t been born,” Moore said, “and its mama’s already dead!”

Local news crews, doubting the veracity of this story, sought corroboration. Moore’s friend of 25 years, John Sargent, was happy to back him up. “He just smacks the bear’s head,” he told the Auburn Journal. “He has the hands and he’s an old 1st Recon Marine. He’s no joke and a tough old soul for 75.”

Unsurprisingly, Moore has had to reenact the moment for several local news stations.

Fish and Wildlife Services do not recommend punching a bear unless you have already been attacked by a bear.

Moore also vowed to offer a repeat performance if his nemesis returns, especially since bears have eaten at least three dozen of his chickens. “This guy’s a jerk, but he ain’t been back since he’s been smacked by Carl,” Carl said.