FBI Tells Agents to Get in Shape Just in Time for Bikini Season

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FBI agents escort suspect
Photo: Chris Schneider/EPA/Corbis

FBI agents will soon have to choose between their love of serving the USA and their love of serving KFC. The bureau has instituted new physical-fitness requirements for its employees based on their age and gender, including being able to do a set number of push-ups and sit-ups and sprint a 300-meter distance. “I want the American people to be able to take one glance at you and think, ‘THERE is a special agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation,’” said FBI head James B. Comey, who may or may not be a pageant coach in his spare time.

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FBI Making Agents Take Physical-Fitness Test