CNN Buries Lede, Announces That New York Has Annexed Pennsylvania

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Governor Andrew Cuomo has said in the past few days that the murderers who escaped from a prison upstate could be anywhere in New York or anywhere in the country. According to CNN, these two statements basically mean the same thing. 

During a short segment noting that nothing in the investigation has changed and the convicts remain at large, the news organization broke some monumental news. New York seems to have annexed Pennsylvania!

CNN, the first outlet to report that the Affordable Care Act had been overturned and that MH370 may have vanished into a black hole, offered no more information on the coup. No other reporters have followed up with more details about Cuomo’s plans for territorial expansion, and Twitter is absent of fears that the usurpers will force locals to eat cheesesteaks on bagels. CNN has changed the location of the state on its website. 

NBC News appeared to have missed this story owing to other reporting priorities, like trying to overtake CNN as the leading purveyor of unnecessary animated reenactments.  

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