John Oliver on U.S.’s Role in FIFA Mess: It’s Like ‘Kesha Arrested a Group of Bankers’

By
Image

It took the country that cares the least about football to bring down the people who have been ruining it. That’s like finding out that Kesha arrested a group of bankers involved in commodities fraud. ’Wow, Kesha! I actually did not think this was an interest of yours, but you’ve been undeniably effective!’”

John Oliver talked about FIFA for the second time on Sunday, expressing wonder at the fact that the United States was the one punishing soccer’s leaders and trying to persuade America to get rid of the organization’s president, Sepp Blatter, because of the wonders it would do for the country’s international approval ratings. If that didn’t work, the soccer superfan and Last Week Tonight host vowed to do anything possible to convince World Cup sponsors to push Blatter out, even though he just won a fifth term last week. Oliver promised McDonald’s that he would try every item on the Dollar Menu on-camera — even if it “tastes like normal food that was cursed by a vindictive wizard.” He would even drink a Bud Light Lime “despite the fact that all the lime in the world cannot disguise the fact that this tastes like a puddle beneath a Long John Silver’s dumpster.”

In the meantime, Oliver offered a few suggestions for how the world can continue coping with current leadership. “Weather services should start offering FIFA warnings, saying, ‘A stadium is being planned in your area. Evacuate immediately.’”