Hey, NYC, Keep Your Eye Out for Those Escaped Murderers

By
Convicted Murderers Escape From New York State Prison
Photo: Handout/2015 New York State Governor's Office

As you go about your typical day, fighting for a subway seat and waiting in line at the coffee cart and stopping at Duane Reade for more toothpaste, try to also keep an eye out for those terrifying escaped murderers from upstate. The NYPD released bulletins today telling New Yorkers to be on alert, as it’s possible (though not likely) the duo has made it down to the city. If you spot them, do not attempt to engage them in a penis-measuring contest. You will lose.