NYPD Sergeant Throws Semen on His Crush

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An NYPD sergeant is off the beat today after throwing semen on a female co-worker inside One Police Plaza. The civilian worker was on her way back from the bathroom when Michael Iscenko splashed the offending slime on her leg. Analysis proved that the substance was semen, and on Monday, the Manhattan D.A. obtained a warrant to collect a specimen from Iscenko to determine if it was his. Iscenko, who reportedly had a crush on the woman, worked with her as a part of the Organized Crime Control Bureau.