John Boehner Hates His Job: Trash-Talk Edition

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13 Nov 2014, Washington, DC, USA --- Speaker of the House John Boehner, R-Ohio, takes questions as he meets with reporters on Capitol Hill in Washington, Thursday, Nov. 13, 2014. With President Barack Obama poised to unveil a series of executive actions on immigration, Boehner said "We're going to fight the president tooth and nail if he continues down this path. This is the wrong way to govern. This is exactly what the American people said on Election Day they didn't want." (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite) --- Image by ? J. Scott Applewhite/AP/Corbis
Boehner's face has been stuck in this position for the last decade.Photo: J. Scott Applewhite/AP

Over the years, John Boehner has left us with the impression that being speaker of the House isn’t all that fun, from the time he did an impersonation of his colleagues’ whining, to his complaint that “jackass” Ted Cruz keeps telling him how to do his job, to his declaration, “I need this job like I need a hole in the head.” On Sunday, Boehner shed some more light on the misery that is his day-to-day life, telling Politico that after working all week to keep his members in line, on weekends he travels the country raising money for them. By Boehner’s estimation, he spends 180 to 190 nights a year doing fundraisers “outside Washington and Ohio.” Over the last six years, he’s raked in more than $300 million for the GOP.

So is Boehner’s willingness to keep this arduous schedule a sign that underneath it all, he really does care about each and every House Republican? Nope! “Garbage men get used to the smell of bad garbage. Prisoners learn how to become prisoners, all right?” he explains. “You can teach yourself to do anything, especially if you’re committed to a cause. I came to Washington to fight for a smaller, less costly and more accountable government.”

Okay, but at least he gets to call the shots in Washington? Not exactly. “People who think I’m a dictator or acting like a dictator have absolutely no clue what they’re talking about because I never make a decision on my own,” Boehner says. If the latest coup attempt works, don’t cry for John Boehner.