Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer sample responses. Enter in the comments section or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.
COMPETITION NO. 59: “SWAP A LETTER, RUIN A SONG.” Please offer a song title spoiled by a one-letter substitution. For example:
IF I HAD A HUMMER
TAKE THE “G” TRAIN
BALL ME MAYBE
Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #swapaletterruinasong, or in the comments thread below, by November 4.
RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 58, “NEW YORK AUTUMN COUPLETS,” in which you were asked for a two-line poem appropriate to the city and the season.
HONORABLE MENTION TO:
New York in autumn, with its sudden cold snaps
Brings purpose to all those baristas’ wool caps.
Too late for summer peaches,
Less crowded at the beaches.
Late October and all is well:
The Wall Street station is no longer hot as Hell.
A certain New Yorker, short-fingered, vulgarian,
Is trolling the country as a mock authoritarian.
Back home, there’ll be turkey and pumpkin pie.
Our Bushwick Thanksgiving will be vegan Thai.
The first leaf that falls—
That takes balls.
See balloons deflate at the Macy’s Parade,
Watch the Jets and Giants in the standings fade.
The fall foliage sure is swell—
OMG! Trump’s hosting SNL.
Enjoy fall while it lasts, because sooner or later
Snowplows will ignore both you and your neighbor.
Time for soup and hot grilled cheese,
Goodbye for now, Uncle Louie G’s
The Mets are in a playoff,
And I don’t have a day off.
Fall’s here, as you can tell by the leaves,
Except oh wait, it’s still 70 degrees.
Time to find a boyfriend and grow out the bush.
I’m glad he also likes the bigger tush.
AND THE WINNER IS:
It is so cold on the Upper East Side,
I will not walk but will pay for a ride.