Dogs May Be Getting Sick in Prospect Park Because of Drug-Laced Human Excrement

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Photo: 167/Hannele Lahti/© Corbis. All Rights Reserved.

Members of Prospect Park’s Fellowship in the Interest of Dogs and Their Owners, or FIDO, have a theory for why several dogs have fallen ill after frolicking in the rolling meadow Nethermead in the middle of the park: The pups are eating the drug-laced excrement of human junkies who chose to squat-poop alfresco.

According to FIDO, veterinarians have noticed an increase in the number of dogs coming in with symptoms associated with poisoning.

Symptoms to watch for in your pet, should it ingest narcotic human poo, are disorientation, listlessness, and heavy breathing. 

It is also possible that the cause could just be chocolate, raisins, or chewing gum.

Not so long ago, in Berlin, similar occurrences were reported in the parks of Kreuzberg and Treptow, both known areas for heavy drug usage. One dog managed to survive after ingesting heroin-laced human scheisse.