Indonesia Might Use Crocodiles to Guard Drug Prisoners Because Nothing Could Go Wrong With This Plan

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A sideview portrait of the head of a Nile crocodile
Strong multi-tasker.Photo: Jami Tarris/© Corbis. All Rights Reserved.

The head of the Indonesian anti-drug agency is seeking qualified applicants for job openings at a possible island prison to house drug convicts on death row. Ideal candidates are scaly, have sharp teeth, and are cold-blooded, both figuratively — they must not be swayed by human emotion — and literally, because they should be reptiles. 

Specifically, they should be crocodiles — or at least that’s the vision of the Indonesian anti-drug chief, who wants to use these predators instead of human guards to watch over convicted narcotics traffickers. The agency leader, Budi Waseso, believes they will outperform people in two key areas: preventing prisoners from escaping and remaining uncorrupted. “You can’t bribe crocodiles. You can’t convince them to let inmates escape,” Waseso said. He also plans to recruit aggressively across the Indonesian islands for the most skilled candidates: “I will search for the most ferocious type of crocodile.”

According to The Guardian, Indonesia’s prison system is awash in drugs and scandal, though the country has some of the harshest narcotics laws in the world. This special prison would be an attempt to root out some of the misconduct rife in the penal system, though the proposal is still in its very nascent stages. No location has been set, so there’s still time to reevaluate the hiring plan, or for ambitious young crocodiles to spruce up their résumés.