New York Magazine Competition No. 62: Chrismukkah Carols

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Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays (or, this week, Tuesday), we lay out a challenge and offer sample responses. Enter in the comments section or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 62: “CHRISMUKKAH CAROLS.” Please rewrite a familiar Christmas song’s title or lyrics accordingly. For example:

God rest ye, merry gentlemen / May nothing you despair / Remember Christ of Bethlehem / Was one of us. So there.”

“What Kind of Child Is This?”

“We wish you a Murray Glickman, and a happy New Year.”

“We Three Kings of Borough Park Are”

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #chrismukkahcarols, or in the comments thread below, by December 17. [NOTE: The Competition will return on December 28.]

RESULTS OF COMPETITION No. 61, “THANKSGIVING CONVERSATION-STOPPERS,” in which you were asked to offer a sentence that would bring dinner to a screeching halt.

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

The Lions game is on.”
MC5

Welcome! Come in! It’s $20 per person, $10 for children under 10 years of age, and $25 if you want seconds.  Make yourselves at home!”
rgqueen

Dad, I have told you how uncomfortable it makes me when you stare at me like that. I don’t care that you are leading the Republican primary polling.”
contrarian_dip

What happened to my Band-Aid? It was on my finger when I was stuffing the turkey…”
— PassTheTanningButter

Think about how this poor turkey must have suffered.”
Lexxman

Oh, you don’t say grace. How modern.”
nycityofmind

And we foraged all the wild mushrooms ourselves!”
—3North

Boy, those French surrender monkeys sure wised up in a hurry, didn’t they?”
Hal10034

Let’s put all our guns on the table as a gesture of goodwill.  I’ll go first.”
RegisMayhem

You might want to crack a window.”
mtmiller

What’s this Facebook thing everyone is talking about?”
gianna13

AND THE WINNER IS:

Sweetie, we can’t all be Adele.”
clippityclop